THE MODERNIZATION OF MY FAMILY

I am driving in my car with my wife Sheila and we are on our way to Akwa ibom international airport to pick up Jason who is on a three weeks summer visit to Nigeria. Jason is 19 yrs, he lives in New York city, USA. He is Sheila’s nephew and this is his first visit to Nigeria in 10 years.

My wife Sheila was born and bred in Texas USA. She came to Nigeria when her parents relocated down here with their family about 10 yrs ago. I met her through a mutual friend and the rest as they say is history. Her sister Maureen is Jason’s mother and for quite a long while Sheila has been pressurizing her sister to allow Jason to visit us.

That’s Jason, Sheila says as she points and waves at his direction, he waves back at us and we walks towards him in the arrivals hall. He is wearing a hooded shirt, with “thug life” inscribed on the front and a skinny black jean trouser.

Wow! So good to see you after a long while!! You’ve grown so big!

Hi Aunty Sheila!! Nice to see you too

How are you doing Uncle?

Im fine, How was your flight?

It was cool, Africa is coooool man!!!

Let’s get your luggage into the car.

As we drive back home i realize that communication with Jason is going to be cumbersome as he speaks in the American ghetto accent. I glance at the side mirror and i can see the happy smiling face of Sheila, she has switched to her New York ghetto accent and is chattering with Jason. I am stucked with my thick Nigerian accent.

We drive inside my compound and I can see Uwem, Edidiong, Evelyn and Affiong outside waiting for us. Uwem and Edidiong are my 9yrs old twin boys, their sister Evelyn is 5 yrs old. Affiong is our househelp and has been busy cleaning the house and keeping it in sparkling shape in readiness for Jason’s visit. My house is a semi attached duplex located in a quiet part of the city, it is well fenced and there are two rows of well trimmed flower hedges and a green lawn.

“Welcome cousin Jason” they greet him.

Hey what’s up my homies!! He hugs them and lifts up Evelyn who is waving shyly from behind, she giggles as he teases her.

I am glad that he has been able to establish a quick connection with them.

“Affiong help me move this bag to uncle Jason’s room, Jason come with me let me show you your room” Sheila says as we walk inside the house.

Wow this house is a beauty! no kiddin! Jason exclaims.

I feel a sense of pride as no visitor comes here without appreciating the beauty of the interior decoration and furnishing.

It is three days into Jason’s stay with us and there has been a sharp disruption in the pattern of activities in this house. He has settled down quickly and he is beginning to get on my nerves. Firstly he is a music junkie, he listens to hard core music at all hours of the day, the kind of heavy earsplitting stuff that I dislike. The music stereo in his room is always banging and i have asked him several times to turn down the volume of the songs. We are gradually losing the serenity that we enjoy in this house.

I am worried about Uwem and Edidiong, they no longer adhere to the strict schedule that has been in place for a while now, they are no longer observing their regular afternoon siesta when they return from school. Rather they chose to stay with Jason in his room, rapping alongside with him to the songs and speaking some ghetto slangs. These boys are very bright and sharp, i am worried that they may be picking up the wrong words from him.

Its 7pm and i am back from work, Jason’s music is banging everywhere in the house. I walk into the kitchen and i see Sheila busy slicing some tomatoes.

“Darling we need to talk about Jason, I think he is influencing our kids negatively”.

“How is he doing it?” She asks me in a defensive tone.

I always try to avoid arguments with Sheila, she is a lawyer by profession and is highly opinionated.

Can’t you see the way they’re spending too much time with him, listening to hardcore songs, speaking ghetto English, they are neglecting their studies.

Leave these kids alone they’re only having fun.

I don’t call this fun.

Come on dear, we are in the modern age, allow them to enjoy their childhood, why are you so jumpy? she queried....i’ll ask Jason to limit the time he spends playing music if that will make you happy.

But…

Sorry dear I am busy….or do you want to help me slice these onions?

I walk away angry. I am failing to stamp my authority in my home…..

Jason has formed a rap group with Edidiong, Uwem and David our neighbour’s son, they call themselves “the rufflers gang”.

It’s a hot Thursday afternoon and I close early from work, one of the perks of being the chairman and Ceo of your own consultancy firm. I am with Dr Coker my head of Operations and he is supposed to pick up a document at my home. From outside we can hear the loud music emanating from the home theatre sound system in the living room. I walk inside and i see Jason and the boys are sitting on the sofa totally engrossed in a music video playing on the Tv screen. There’s a fat bearded man rapping on the tv screen, he looks black American. There is a gold chain hanging around his neck, his bare chest is exposed and he occasionally blows smoke from the cigar stuck in between his lips, i see semi nude girls milling around him and all I can hear is “I am the boss!!”

What are you guys watching!? and why is the music so loud? i ask.

They turn around in surprise and quickly turn down the volume, they’ve been caught offguard as they didn’t notice me coming in.

My two boys scamper away.

“Jason what are you doing to these boys”? Didn’t they tell you that nobody watches this kind of music video in this house?

“We aint doin nuffin wrong uncle...we listenin to real hiphop and chillin” Jason responds.

Leave this sitting room! I’ve got a guest waiting to come in, I ordered him, my anger rising with every second.

You is hatin on a young nigga’s swag, he mutters under his breath as he leaves the room.

“Sheila i am going to disconnect the dstv from the house and Jason has to leave this house this weekend” I say to her as i dress up for work the next morning.

You are joking right? she says as she brushes her hair.

Nope. He is really a bad influence on them, he’s making them watch immoral songs and the dstv is kind of corrupting their mindset. I don’t like the kind of things they’re watching on these music channels.

If you disconnect it how will I watch my Tinsel and E! news? You can’t do it! At least you can use the parental control option.

No! I want my kids to be raised on true African values and culture.

She is livid and raises her voice. “Are you the sole defender of the African values and traditions? The times have passed and you have to move on with the modern trends. You have to learn to be liberal minded, stop exhibiting this naive attitude” for Christ sake!.

My children will be raised in a godly way! I retorted.

“Don’t you think they will watch these videos elsewhere if you block it at home? You are not going to disconnect that decoder and Jason is not going anywhere!!!”

I leave the room, I have lost control of my home.

As I drive off to work, i resolve to invite my mother over for some days. Mom is a conservative woman and with her strong personality she will be able to curb the excesses of these kids and put things in good shape while i am away at work. Someone has to stop this rapid modernization of my home.

It’s the second week of  Jason’s visit and an uneasy calm now pervades this house, ever since the last incidence Jason has somehow mellowed down and the children are of good behavior.

Edidiong were you able to do that math’s assignment?

Yes Daddy, Jason helped us in solving it.

Jason solved it?

Yes daddy!

The pythogoras theorem assignment they gave them in school was like a puzzle to me when they brought it to me yesterday to solve. I tried my best but i couldn’t figure out how to get it done. The assignment is a bit too advanced for their class. If Jason could solve it then he is a great guy!

Jason I heard you solved the maths assignment for Uwem and Edidiong.

Yes uncle, he replies, Maths ain’t shit to me. I’ve got good grades in high school.

So do you really want to be a rapper?

Yea, I’ve got mad love for the game and my niggas in the hood! I wanna play basket ball too, i rep the Los Angeles lakers! A couple of my dawgs in school are basketball players.

Why are you calling them Dogs? I ask him.

Nope its D.a.w.g, it’s a slang word that means “friend”.

Maybe i should enroll in a ghetto English class.

Mom visits us on saturday and i welcome her with open arms. I notice that Jason has taken a special liking to her, he compliments her on her dressing and style. I don’t know if it is flattery but she seems to be falling for it. I am just hoping that she will be able to keep an eye on him and curb his excesses. Its a Saturday evening and we all head out to Silver bird’s cinema to view some movies.

Sheila is cooking special in the kitchen for Sunday dinner, i suspect it is one of these American recipes that she is trying.We all seat around the dining table in the dining room, i stare at the food in the plate,

“Dear this is called Caesar salad with cripsy chicken, it’s a special dish. Try it you will like it”, Sheila says with a twinkling look in her eyes.

This is delicious yo! Jason says as he scoops the meal into his bulging cheeks. Mom gives a nod of approval, I glance round at my kids, they are enjoying the meal.

Daddy it is delicious! Evelyn cajoles me in her shrill voice.

I try out the salad and i get a nauseating feeling in my stomach, i manage to pick at the chicken meat. In a short while i can’t keep up the façade anymore. I shake my head and leave the table. I over hear Sheila complaining to mom about my lack of appreciation for cuisines from other cultures.

Sheila should know better than to serve me this. In our first three months of marriage she had tried to impress me with her culinary skills. She cooked one exotic salad meal and out of love for her i forced myself to eat it up. This however resulted in a running stomach for two days and that was the end of any foreign food experiment in the house. I am an African man, i can’t be chewing raw leaves, tiny noodles and other weird stuffs all in the name of being modernized. I prefer my traditional dishes and the general rice, beans, yam and plantain.

Everyone in this house is now mimicking Jason’s accent and acting all classy. They are giving each other high fives and using the words “Dawg, nigga, homie, shit and buddy”. I am fine with it as long as they are not swear words. At a point i overhead Jason asking Affiong our househelp to be his baby mama, I told Sheila this and she promised to handle the matter. In a short while all these will be over and we will revert to our normal life when Jason leaves.

Daddy look I can twerk!! Evelyn says to me. I am in the living room with Sheila and we are watching “Quest means business” on Cnn.

You can do what?

Watch me!

I watch in disbelief as my 5 yrs old daughter shakes her hips and buttom in a twist/jerklike fashion in front of me.

Stop it! Who taught you how to do this? I ask her with a disapproving look on my face.

“Jason taught me how to twerk yesterday, he showed me the dancesteps on youtube’.

Evelyn, i don’t want to see you dance like this again, do you understand?

How can my daughter be dancing seductively like a daughter of Jezebel!?

What is the matter with my little angel? Mom says as she walks in from the adjoining room. Mom is very fond of Evelyn.

Mom can you imagine Evelyn dancing an ungodly dance?

She is just having fun my son, leave her alone!

Mom I see you have joined them!

My son sometimes you have to go along with the tides, the world is changing day by day, don’t be stiffnecked or you will be left in the past.

She pats Evelyn on the head and tells her, “Shake what your mama gave you my daughter”!

I shake my head in frustration, they are all crazy!!!

Yo! Its goin down in this beaotch! muh motha fuckin nigga in the hood sent me a beat! We killin this beat!!

Jason is estactic as he shares the news with his ‘the rufflers” crew. Dj claise a friend of his in new York has sent him a studio beat via email and they are supposed to rap to the beat and record it.

Its 1 am and i am filled with curiosity to listen to the song. My curiosity gets the better of me and I slowly tiptoe into Jason’s room….look at me sneaking like a thief in my own house!

He is fast asleep and fortunately the laptop is powered on. I make a quick scan through his files and i locate the music file. I click “play” and the voices of Uwem, Edidiong, Joeseph filters into my ears. I never knew they could rap so well.

Jason suddenly wakes up and gives me a questioning look.

“Oh I am just listening to your work, i was curious”.

‘Do you like it?” He asks me.

Yes.

Imma put it on my mixtape when I get back to the states, this shit is good.

Jason how do you  make the words to rhyme in this hiphop thing?

“We rappers read a lot, we search the dictionary for words that sound alike and we rap about issues. Hiphop is life man.

I am impressed.

The last day of Jason’s stay in Nigeria comes and everyone is in a somber mood, Evelyn is teary eyed and wants to follow him to New york. Uwem and Edidiong are sad, Mom and Sheila are unhappy. I admit to myself that i will miss his lively and carefree spirit.

Mom and Sheila loads his luggage with parcels and gifts for his family. He hugs his cousins and gives them his apple ipod as a gift. Everyone wants to see him off at the airport.

“I will miss y’all tho! We should skype when I get back home” Jason says as we enter the departure lounge.

Yes, Sheila replies, I’ll set up a skype account today.

Goodbye Jason, please call when you arrive home i say to him.

He hugs me, goodbye uncle.

We watch and wave as he walks into the plane with other passengers for his flight to Lagos where he will catch a connecting flight to New York.

Back in the car i put my arms around Sheila, hey honey imma buy a new laptop today for the kids to skype with Jason and maybe we should try one of those American recipes tonight.

She smiles and says “I told you Jason wasn’t as bad as you painted him to be”.

You are right dear, I was wrong, my homie Jason is a good man and I am a good dawg.

 She giggles as we drive away.