THE CONCEPT OF DOROBUCCI

You’ve got to give it up for Don Jazzy the CEO of Mavin records. Michael Collins aka Don Jazzy has a unique way of making young people talk about and get involved in whatever song or project he puts across. He interacts with fans by sharing recharge cards on twitter, doling out cash for dancing competitions, banters and phone calls. From the days of Mr Endowed, Oliver twist etc in the defunct Mohits group, the music producer has been delighting fans with his concepts. In the present era of Mavin records, Don Jazzy has teamed up with his label artists to release hit tracks like Eminado, Surulere & Dorobucci.

The enigmatic Don jazzy got us engaged in showcasing our “Surulereness” by uploading “before” and “after” pictures of ourselves. We all scanned through our picture archives looking for our old and razz pictures, those pictures we snapped with bathroom slippers and “papa dash me” clothes back in the days to upload on our instagram, facebook, bbm, whatsapp and twitter accounts with the hashtag #Surulere, thanking baba God for making us to blow! We showcased our grass to grace photos using the popular Picmix app and other photo editing apps.  For some people, there’s no noticeable difference between their before & after pictures. It is just the same looking hungry looking individual posing in a different cloth and background…..erm…I am just kidding mbok. Even those born with silver spoons in their mouth were not left out in the frenzy to showcase how they have evolved from poverty to riches.

The Mavins crew came up with a monster hit “Dorobucci” in May this year. The song like all Don Jazzy produced songs has been making waves since its release. Deejays are slamming the tune in clubs and radio stations. The song is rocking parties and other social gatherings. It has become a street anthem, one of the hit tracks of 2014.

Like all other street anthems “Dorobucci” has found its way into our social media slangs dictionary and daily conversations.

The question then arises; What is the meaning of Dorobucci?

Is the word related to Gucci, the Italian fashion brand? Or is an illuminati inspired word as some conspiracy theorists will want us to believe?

When asked to explain the meaning of Dorobucci, Don Jazzy said he picked up the meaning of Bucci from urbandictionary.com.

“Bucci" pronounced as b-oo-ch-ee, is anything that is fun, cool, awesome, fantastic or any word of same meaning. The word is used when something wants to make you say AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.  
E.g "Yeah, it's totally bucci". 

So what is the meaning of Doro? Don Jazzy is silent on this aspect. So you can give whatever interpretation you want to give it. The word “Doro” in my native Ibibio language could either mean something that is bitter or the act of bringing down something.

After giving some thought to the meaning of the word, I’ve come up with the conclusion that Dorobucci is a concept. It means being at the top of your game, being the ultimate and being the best that you can be.

Why do you use #DoroFine #DoroCute #DoroSexy #DoroMoney hashtags on your pictures when you don’t even know what #Doro means? Why sing and dance along to a song that you are not sure of the meaning…..Oh you don’t care about the meaning, you just love the beats and the rhythm?...Okay, I get your point but can you please spare a few minutes for us to skim through the lyrics of the song to see if we can decipher anything from it? It can’t be totally meaningless as some people say……

*Scrolls to Dorobucci on Playlist and presses Play*

“dorobucci
doro jazzy
ehn doro boss
doro big
you know say doro heavy
doro skillful
you know say doro bloody
doro get the biggest label wey you know of course
doro tush pass anybody wey doro meet
doro gather pass anybody for the gathering
doro get money pass everybody there”….(Don Jazzy)

Don jazzy is telling us here that a doro boss is skillful and has big plans and ideas. He or she is tush and has lots of money!  He/she has the biggest outfit/establishment or is working towards being the biggest in his or her line of business. Yes this is dorobucciness. So if you are not tush or you are a full blown ajepako you should stop going around screaming “Dorobucci” okay? Your bank account balance must be heavy and well padded because Doro get money pass everybody for the gathering!

“doro fresh….nkwanu
doro big…..nkwanu, nkwanu
doro flashy
doro classy”…..(Rekado banks)

Are you fresh, are you classy? Are you stuck up in the past with a closed mindset? Are you the type that will fight the bus conductor over 10 naira change? Do you apply tact and finesse in your daily activities? Your dorobucciness isn’t up to par if you don’t have a fresh and classy personality.

“doro na liver….doro
follow the leader
doro is bigger…doro
doro is higher
follow the ladder
so follow the ladder….doro
doro get liver”….(Tiwa)

In the Nigerian pidgin English parlance, when we say “you get liver” we mean you are bold, brave and have self confidence. You can’t be a dorobucci individual if you are a coward. There are no two ways about it. If you run away from or dodge responsibilities & tasks because you don’t have self confidence and self belief, please stop listening to Dorobucci! Go and work on your self esteem first. A Dorobucci individual is a leader.

“doro fast pass anybody wey don dey fast before
doro sleek pass anybody wey doro jam eh ehn
doro hammer
doro pako
doro knack pass carpenter wey don dey knack before

“doro messi
doro dribble anybody wey try to mark doro” (Dr Sid)

Your dorobucciness is half baked if you are not an achiever. This is the information we can glean from this verse. You should be able to compete effectively with and overtake your colleagues in your chosen field.

 Are you a student? You should be at the top of your class! If you are struggling with poor grades and lots of carryovers, it will be far better for you to drop all pretensions of dorobucciness and hit the library fast! Are you a blogger? You should be the first to give your blog readers latest updates in your chosen niche. You shouldn’t be applying the copy and paste technique. Are you a worker or businessman/woman? You should be the best worker in your office.  Like Messi who dribbles defenders before slotting in goals in the net, you should be able to meander around and manoeuvre your way through obstacles and blockages placed on your path by your opponents.

“doro doro
african prince doro
see doro dey make all the girls dey feel robo robo

doro mega
doro super
doro star
doro mega super star o”……(Koredo bello)

A dorobucci individual is mega, super and a star. He/she comes up with mega ideas and plans. He or she dreams big and can see the big picture. Such a person is a mega super star in his/her field. If you are not a shining light or a good example where ever you find yourself then your dorobucciness is questionable. Stop using the dorobucci hashtag! A dorobucci man always takes good care of his girlfriend/fiancée/wife.

“doro double-o-seven….doro
doro na yaro
doro wey get e money….doro
doro like for do anything wey doro like for do
mey nobody try doro
cos dey go wound o” (Di’ja)

We all know agent 007; James Bond the British fictional spy. A Dorobucci individual must have the confidence, the fighting spirit and daring qualities of 007. If you watch any of the James Bond movies you will see that he always gets his way, he always succeeds in carrying out his mission. No one tries to hurt or double cross James bond and lives to tell the tale. You should not take this literally though. It is that dogged determination that you must adopt.

“doro is a cheerful giver
doro is a kind of boss…..a kind of boss
doro is a money spender
doro too dey floss…..too dey floss
anywhere wey doro dey eh
wahala dey…..wahala dey
chickalas dey…..chickalas dey
cos doro gallant o....(Dprince)”

Are you a cheerful giver? Are you the type that hoards money? Are you the miser who would rather die than let few naira notes slip away from your tight fist? Are you the type who frowns when it is time to make monetary donations towards a worthy cause? Are you the selfish type who hides food under the bed when a visitor knocks at your door during mealtime? Are you the type who begs and demands for recharge cards from people? Do you rush out to pee whenever it is time to give offering in church? I hope you know a special koboko assigned to you is presently inside a kerosene tank in heaven waiting for the right moment to be used on your back!

A doro person is a giver. He spends money because he knows that there’s more money coming on the way. A doro person knows that it is more blessed to give than to receive, he knows that God loves a cheerful giver.

Wait!.....Why are you frowning at me? You are a doro giver?

Alright, hold on a second…….let me sent you my account details. The amount that hits my account will prove the level of your dorobucciness.

So folks this is the concept of Dorobucci. The music we listen to should be able to inspire us.

This article was written by a Doro writer*adjusts halo around head & gives the Koredo bello wink*

Top four things used by the modern Nigerian youth

1.        INDOMIE NOODLES

Indomie instant noodles is a household food brand in Nigeria. The noodle brand offers a variety of flavours such as onions, chicken, jollof, peppersoup and suya. Although there are other instant noodles brands like Mimi noodles, O noodles etc in the market, indomie is regarded as the generic name of instant noodles in the Nigerian market. You can easily prepare the noodles meal.

Just empty the contents of the satchet(s) into your pot of water and within ten minutes your noodle meal is ready, you can garnish it with spices, eggs, stew, bread or even yam! Indomie noodles have saved many lives. You are running late for work or school and there’s no time to prepare a full meal, indomie comes to your rescue. It can be eaten as breakfast, lunch or dinner as the case may be. 80% of those reading this post including you, yes You! have eaten or will eat indomie later today.

There is power in a plate of indomie. Apart from quenching hunger, it can be used to assess the wife material status of a single lady. If a lady cannot prepare indomie noodles, be wary of her. She can’t cook any other dish(es), run away from her!

However there are some ladies who are wonderful cooks, they can cook the following food items. 

(1) Indomie  (2)Indomie  (3) Indomie

 If you marry such a wonderful cook, get prepared to be eating indomie for the rest of your life!

PS: Hello Mr marketing manager of Dufil prima foods I am waiting for the bank deposit. I accept only pounds and dollars, cash, no cheques please. Oh you are giving me 20 billion dollars? No, please convert that amount to its naira equivalent. I don’t want any wahala with Obama. You know if 20 billion dollars enters my account today America will know because it is their money! Send in the money and you will have me on permanent Indomie image laundering deal.

2.  ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE

Three young men are sitting at a fast food joint discussing, two men sit next to each other inside a moving vehicle discussing…what do you think they are discussing? Boko haram? Probably, Revolution? No! Football? Yes football! They are discussing the English premier league. 

Nigerians love the English premier league so much that nobody cares if there’s a Nigerian premier league. The average Nigerian youth is either a fan of Arsenal, Manchester united, Chelsea or Liverpool clubs. On mid-weeks & weekends, we stay glued to our tv sets in our homes, match viewing centers and offices watching the live Epl matches on the award winning Super sports channels.

We are interested in the transfer window deals. We know all the intricate details of the signings of players and coaches. We have heated arguments over the future of players. We debate whether Rosicky should be sold for 30 million pounds against 23 million pounds being offered by Chelsea. We throw off millions of pounds out of our lips as though they were common place transactions that we conducted every day. Huge sums of money that we may never earn in our lifetime.

The Nigerian fan swears at Rooney as he fails to tap in the ball into the net from an assist by Shinji Kagawa. The Nigerian fan depending on where his loyalty lies is either fascinated with or outraged at Jose mourinho’s on the field and off the field theatrics.

There are two classes of Nigerian Epl supporters. We have the “Fan” and the “fans”. The “fan” is mostly a cold headed educated young man who supports his team with some level of moderation.

The “fans” is the thuggish & fanatical supporter. He might be educated or a stark illiterate.

To be a “fans” you must proudly wear & display your club’s jersey and other memorabilia at all times, you must be loud and aggressive, you must be willing to pick a fight with anyone who dares to smear the name of your team, your coach or any of your darling players. You must swear and curse Howard webb for awarding the crucial penalty to Manchester united.  You must laugh at and poke fun at Arsenal fc’s empty trophy cabinet and at Arsene wenger.  You must always announce to anyone who cares to listen that you are a “Chelsea fans” while stressing the letter “s” as you beat your chest to sound the message home.

Whenever a player in your team misses a good chance of scoring on the field, shout at him, he will hear your voice from the tv screen. Threaten to substitute him, make known your disapproval of the team lineup and formation. You can even threaten to sack the coach.

When your team wins a crucial match or trophy, you must swing five bottles of beer in your hand in the bar and order free drinks for all the people fortunate enough to be seating close to you at that point in their lives.

The Nigerian “fan” & “fans” may be neck deep in debt from losses incurred at bets placed on Nairabet and  other lottery platforms. He may be lucky occasionally at the pool tables.

The Nigerian Epl fan gets bored to death during the month of June – August when the league is on recess.

Now that Arsenal has finally won a trophy, I might become a “fans”.

3.        SOCIAL NETWORKS

Every young Nigerian who can operate a phone is on one social network or the other; 2go, mobofree, viber, whatsapp, badoo, wechat, keek, facebook, twitter, bbm, instagram etc. 2go seems to be at the bottom of the pecking order of social networks while instagram and twitter are on the top rank.

 Young Nigerians love to talk and chat but what do we really use these networks for? Did I hear someone shout “for connecting with friends& family?”….well…*shrugs shoulders*majority of nigerian users of social networks are looking for hookups, yes they are looking for love . Excuse  me bro, you have been chasing this girl from the days of Methuselah, down to the days of yahoo messenger and up till now the age of whatsapp & bbm. She has still not agreed for you. So what makes you think she will say “Yes” when you start stalking her instagram page? You’d better try your luck elsewhere.

Some social media users have been able to explore the vast world of opportunities that exist in the social media while the majority are still stuck in the “I love you, please give me your phone number, let me call you and show you how much I love you” category.

In a meeting you will see faces glancing down every now and then at their devices and gadgets; replying a ping, making a facebook comment, liking an instagram picture etc. The only guy in the room that sits erect without touching any device is either using a Nokia torchlight phone or is 70 years old.

The Instagram app is very popular with Nigerian girls, most especially the ones with low self esteem. Yes the ones who post 50 semi nude photos every 10 minutes to get thousands of likes & followers.  The template for being a hot Nigerian girl on instagram is to strike a Miley cyrus-esque posture, hang out the tongue from one corner of the mouth, snap as many pictures as possible, apply effects, filter the pictures with the app filters, then use a combination of unrelated hashtags for the pictures.

#Dorocute #TeamFineGirls #Throwback #BringBackOurGirls #MoneyMakingThings #Surulere #LoveInTheAir

Are you an active user four or more social networks? You really need to get a life! Please when you find the life give me a download link because I need it too :D

4.      INTERNET DATA PLANS

What is the use of a smartphone that is not connected to an active internet subscription?

Our gsm service providers recognized the power of internet and saw the impending internet bloom. They introduced the 10 mb data plan for phones a few years ago. They now smile to the bank daily with enormous profits. Mtn, Airtel, Glo, Etisalat, etc all have various internet plans for all kinds of smartphones, tablets and devices. These networks give out free 10-15 mb data on airtime recharges.

After sipping garri with groundnut or dry fish, you can sit in your one room apartment where you are squatting with a friend and use your free 10 mb data to update your facebook status to “Chilling like a boss at Barounge lounge, hotel El_kadi Dubai” or “Just touched down at MMI airport” or even “At shoprite Ikeja #ShoppingTinz” on your bbm.

It is sad that in spite of our high patronage of internet service, the internet tariff still remains one of the highest in the world. We have to manage the miserable 1-3 gb at ridiculously high prices. Anyway, thank God for free wifi :D

Since Nigerians want data to use in downloading files off the internet, streaming videos and generally surfing the net the service providers are determined to make us pay through the nose. The yellow boys are contributing their quota in making us stay alert 24/7. You have to wake up in the night to use the 4.5gb for 2k5 night plan subscription.

The red boys aka Airthieves, sorry Airtel have become a nightmare to the non blackberry device users. They have not only slashed the popular 2 gb bis data by 25% to 1.5gb, they have proceeded to gulp up the miserable data faster than the rate at which thirsty man in the sand dunes of the Sahara desert empties out a bottle of water thrown at him.

Let me tell you a story. I got incensed by the fact that my 2gb bis subscription on my modem that used to last a maximum of 2 weeks got finished in less than 4 days, so I stormed the Airtel city office to register my displeasure.

I got inside the building and began shouting “There is God oh! All my data that you people are chopping & sharing anyhow among yourselves remember, there is God oh!”

One of the customer care agent turned to me and frowned. She replied in a slightly irritated tone “Na only you waka come?”

The manager came out from his office brimming with smiles, he apologized for the radical deductions and in a bid to placate me as a loyal subscriber, he ordered for a 5 gb instant topup of my data to take care of the inconveniences. I heaved a sigh of relief and smiled.  The 5gb data top up sms came in immediately. Giddy with happiness i dialed the code to check my data balance, as the 5 gb appeared on the screen, i woke up from the dream.

There you have it! 

WIFE INTERNSHIP (3)

Days rolled into weeks, weeks rolled into months and the months rolled into years. Although Chioma was fully certain that her place as Nnamdi’s future spouse was established, she was getting worried because he had not still proposed or talked about any concrete marriage plans yet. Both of them were in the final year of their academic program in the university. Her microbiology course was a four years program in Esut while Nnamdi’s architecture was a five year program. By her calculations she had been living with him for close to three years.

Three years in which she had consistently warded off advances and proposals from other guys. Three years in she had gotten pregnant once for Nnamdi and aborted the baby. He had convinced her that keeping the baby would be an unwanted distraction to their education. He had taken her to a clinic to get rid of it. She had followed him like a meek lamb following the shepherd.

“Everything will be alright” the doctor had assured her before he injected  her with an anesthesia and rolled her  into the operation room. So it was; the act was done. The guilty feeling that came from the realization that she had willingly taken the life of an innocent baby had taken hold of her and she had spent gloomy days crying her eyes out. Nnamdi was around to reassure her that it was the best decision to have been taken. No one else would know, not even her parents.

Chioma had a new concern. Nnamdi was becoming increasingly secretive and was picking faults randomly at her. He complained about her cooking, about her wearing native dresses, about her hair, about her behavior, things he never used to complain about. This was all new to her. He still showed signs of affection for her but she sensed that he was hiding something from her, something he didn’t want her to find out….

“Chioma I will have a special visitor tomorrow” Nnamdi announced to her in a brisk manner on a Friday evening.

“Oh, who is the person?”

“A family friend”

“Okay, what time is the person coming?”

“In the afternoon. She will be coming over from Umuahia. She has a crucial business to conduct in Enugu here so she will be staying till Monday morning. I don’t know if one of your friends can accommodate you this weekend. You know we don’t have much space in this house! Besides this family friend will scandalize me to my parents and all my relations if she knows that I am living with a girl in this house. She is the type that does not keep secrets” Nnamdi said in a suggestive tone that indicated he didn’t want Chioma around.

The flames of suspicion quickly flared up in Chioma’s mind. What kind of special female family friend would be coming to spend two days in Enugu with Nnamdi? It was obvious Nnamdi didn’t want her to meet this lady for reasons best known to him. She could see the look of excitement in Nnamdi’s eyes, he was actually looking forward to this visit. Maybe Nnamdi was seeing another girl…..

“Nnamdi tell me the truth, are you expecting your new girlfriend to arrive tomorrow? Tell me now because it won’t be funny if you are lying to me” She said as she raised her voice in a menacing tone.

“How dare you accuse me of infidelity! I have been with you all these years and didn’t go after other girls, is it now that we are rounding up in school that I will start chasing other girls?” Nnamdi responded in anger.

“I am sorry dear. I will go to Daisy’s place tonight”.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It rained all Saturday morning the kind of endless and annoying rain that was destined to fall throughout the day. It wasn’t a torrential rain but it fell just strong enough to discourage anyone who didn’t have a congent reason for venturing outside from doing so.

Chioma lay on a mattress positioned on the rug carpet in Daisy’s room. A wrapper was draped round her body in a bid to beat the cold weather. Daisy was up fixing a cup of tea for breakfast.

Chioma’s thoughts went back to Nnamdi. She was certainly convinced that he wanted her out of the way. His recent fault finding actions were ominous signs of a crack in their relationship. He was probably tired of the relationship. Daisy had advised her to apply caution and not be unnecessarily combative so as not to break up what she had built over the years.

The fear of the unknown kept gnawing in her mind throughout the morning. She just had to see the female family friend to confirm whether she was a threat to her peace and security and to determine her next line of action. Despite protestations from Daisy, Chioma braved the harsh weather in the afternoon and made her way to Nnamdi’s place. Fortunately a lone taxi was plying the route.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They didn’t even bother to lock the door.

Chioma opened the door and walked in boldly. Her fears was confirmed when she saw a young girl sitting astride Nnamdi’s laps on the big cushion chair.

Chioma stood rooted at the spot staring at the scene that greeted her eyes.

“You don’t have a right to barge in like this. You should have at least knocked” Nnamdi said as he quickly recovered from the shock of Chioma’s entry. He quickly stood up to his feet.

The girl was the most beautiful girl Chioma had ever seen. Tall with a creamy complexion, a pair of penetrating almond shaped eyes, an exquisite long nose that tapered at the nostrils. She resembled a Barbie doll with her long yellow laps sticking out from her mini skirt. She looked not older than 20 years.

“I am sorry Chioma. It had to be this way. My hands are tied”

“Meet Ogechi my fiancée”

“Ogechi meet my friend Chioma”

Chioma stood speechless. What she heard was incredulous, almost unbelievable. For the first time the scales fell off her eyes and she saw Nnamdi for who he truly was. The love she had for him evaporated like petrol poured on the back of her palms. She had been misled and deceived all these years in the name of love.

“Are you telling me that this girl is your wife to be?” she asked him with her mouth wide agape.

“Yes, Ogechi was chosen by parents as my wife four years ago. She is the first daughter of my dad’s business partner. I thought you knew that our relationship wasn’t going to last beyond the four walls of this school”

“Darling what is going on here, who is she to you?” the girl Ogechi questioned Nnamdi with a worried look on her face.

“You lying scum, you cheat, you deceiver, how dare you!” Chioma seethed with rage as she walked menacingly towards Nnamdi who swiftly moved backwards positioning himself behind the couch.

“So you are the girl who has been forcing herself on my fiancée?” Ogechi interrogated Chioma waving her fingers contemptuously at the older lady.

Chioma boiled with anger. This self righteous girl was downright insultive. She turned and addressed her.

“This man here is my boyfriend. I have been living with him for close to three years in this very house! You are just coming out of the blues to claim my man. Who the hell do you think you are?!”

All hell broke loose.

Chioma screamed with wounded pride at Nnamdi

 “I hate you betrayer, you lying cheat. You had the nerve to sweet talk me into moving in with you when you knew you were never going to marry me!”

She rushed to his side and gave him a quick blow on the cheek. He recoiled with pain and shoved her aside. Her left toe hit the wooden base of the couch and she winced as the pain shot up through her body.

 Chioma tried to steady her footing on the ground. Her eyes fell upon a glass tumbler that was lying on a side-stool. She took it up and threw it at Nnamdi’s head. The loud thud and shattering of the glass tumbler indicated that the object had indeed found its mark on Nnamdi’s head. He slumped to the floor holding his head in his hands with a shocked look in his eyes. Ogechi shouted and rushed in to tackle Chioma. Chioma kicked Ogechi’s legs in a move to sweep her off the floor. The girl staggered and managed to land a piercing blow on Chioma’s stomach. Both ladies fell on the floor and engaged themselves in a fierce ground combat. Ogechi clawed wildly at Chioma’s face. Chioma got the upper hand and clamped down her opponent to the floor while trying to get her face out of harm’s way. Her right hand was locked around Ogechi’s neck squeezing with all her strength. It was a gruelling struggle. Chioma suddenly felt warm blood trickling down her left eye and loosened her grip as Ogechi’s long fingernails poked into her eyes. 

Nnamdi stood up from the floor and came in-between the two girls to separate them. He pulled Ogechi away to a corner of the room and ran back to engage Chioma. He kicked her several times while yelling out….

“Never you touch my fiancée again!”

“The b***h nearly strangled me” Ogechi cursed out as she rubbed her neck while breathing heavily.

“Get out of my house!” Nnamdi ordered Chioma who clung to him gripping his shirt with both hands.

“I will not leave this house!” She replied defiantly “this is my house too!” Her fighting power was in full force. She was up on her feet with her chest heaving. The anger gave her additional strength.

The commotion brought out a few curious neighbours who stared at the proceedings through their windows and front doors.

Nnamdi as if on cue ran inside the bedroom and brought out Chioma’s luggage and bags and threw them out of the door.

Chioma watched incensed as her bags were flung out. A destructive dark anger possessed her. She lifted up the side stool and brought it down with full force on the cuvet glass center table. The strike effectively split the table into two identical halves. Ogechi scurried towards her and gave a soft punch on the face. They grappled with each other and plunged once again on the floor. Grunting, sweating, their dresses torn into shreds exposing bare flesh. Chioma fought wildly as if her life depended on it. She was slowly gaining ground on the girl and in a short while was seated atop her. Chioma’s teeth sank into Ogechi’s exposed breast.

Ogechi let out a loud howl of pain and almost passed out. Nnamdi came to her rescue with a stout stick in his hand. He yanked Chioma’s up by her hair and brought up the stick in a hot fury to deliver a deadly blow to Chioma’s head. Fortunately for Chioma she dodged just in time as the stout stick landed on the floor.

“You used me for the past two years and you think you can abandon me just like that. I am no longer attractive to you! Do you know how many men I have turned down because of you?” Chioma sobbed. Her left eye had swollen up in size.

 She staggered on her feet and got to the cabinet where Nnamdi kept his dvd plates. She quickly opened the cabinet and threw out the disc tapes one after the other in a crazed spree. She stepped on them and broke them.

“How dare you destroy my Original Slim Shady Lp collection? Do you know how difficult it is to find them in the stores? I told you once that I am an Eminem Stan. I will show you how a Stan behaves! He dashed inside and came out with a kitchen knife and charged at her trying to pin her to the wall.

Chioma mustered all her strength and ran out of the front door followed by Nnamdi in hot pursuit. The chase was short-lived as Nnamdi had a change of heart retreated inside to attend to his wounded fiancée. The game was up.

The irony of her present situation struck Chioma’s mind as she stood drenched under the pouring rain gasping for breath. Two years ago she was rushing to get into the house, now she was running from the house, chased away by the very same person who welcomed her in with open arms. Pairs of eyes from the neighbourhood were watching her keenly from all directions.

Angela was right after all. She should have listened to her. All the years she had been doing wife internship for Nnamdi thinking that will make him love her more and cement her place in his heart as his wife not knowing that her value in his eyes was diminishing as the years went by.

How will she face her colleagues and friends in school after this, especially the toasters who labeled her as a proud and headstrong girl when she waved off their advances?

What will she tell them when they ask about her and her relationship with Nnamdi?

Bad news spread very fast in the campus and she will be the topic of gossip at all corners.

 Heartbroken, bruised eyed, wounded in spirit, sobbing and soaked by the rain Chioma shuffled across the lawn, dragged her things from under the rain and staggered in the direction of the main road back to Daisy’s small room.

THE END

WIFE INTERNSHIP (2)

The following weekend Chioma visited Nnamdi once again.  He suggested to her to move into the house and live with him as a live-in lover. She pondered over the idea over in her mind. It was risky and at the same time irresistible. If she moved in, she still had the option of moving out anytime she wanted.

Daisy, Immaculata and Onyinye told her to take her time and study Nnamdi more before she made the big move. They told her to defer her response till the next school year. There was no need to hurry as the second semester was about ending. Love could wait.

Nnamdi appeared hurt by her decline to move in but she reassured him that her love for him was strong and unwavering as ever.

The death knell sounded on the semester as the exams were concluded and students left the campus for the one month holiday.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Year two began on a positive note for Chioma. The last semester results were pasted on the first week of the new school year. A colleague of her’s checked Chioma’s result and sent the summary of the grades to her. The results indicated that she was doing extremely well. She couldn’t wait to see her love Nnamdi.  They had been communicating on phone and on bbm chat daily. Chioma’s parents were honest civil servants and strict disciplinarians who frowned upon male visits to their simple country home in Awka. As such Nnamdi couldn’t visit Chioma at home. When she informed him that she was in Enugu, he drove to the park to pick her up.

Chioma stood with her luggage at the passengers waiting section of the park waiting for Nnamdi. Then she saw him. The Audi pulled up behind a bus at the driveway of the park. He came out of the vehicle wearing a green stock shirt atop a black chinos trouser. She ran down and flew into his arms as soon as he started moving towards her direction. He threw his arms around her in a tight hug and spun her around. The adrenaline coursed through their veins. They kissed. The dam was broken and the rivers of love gushed out. It was a long lingering moment of passion where she wanted nothing else but him. She wanted to ride the crests and troughs of his tidal waves, to carry his seeds within her.

“We are in public Nnamdi!” Chioma managed to say while putting a restraining hand across Nnamdi’s chest.  This was her first public display of affection.

“We both got overwhelmed. Nnamdi replied breathing heavily as he adjusted the collar of his shirt “Let’s carry your things into the car”.

Her two luggages and a big Ghana must go bag containing food items were hauled into the boot of the audi.

“I missed you Chioma. You liked what happened few minutes ago didn’t you?” He asked her with a mischievous twinkling look in his eyes.

“Yes, but you pushed me to it’

“Relax sweetheart, there’s more coming from where that came from” he replied with a broad smile.

Chioma grinned. They were heading straight for Nnamdi’s apartment, she wasn’t leaving anytime soon. She was finally ready.

Nnamdi’s car manoeuvred its way out of the hordes of vehicles in the park and pulled into the main road.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Chioma! why are you no longer staying in the hostel with us? What is this gist i am hearing about you living with a man who isn’t your husband? Angela, Chioma’s former hostel room-mate pulled her aside at the faculty of social sciences course registration office.

“Nnamdi is my boyfriend. We love each other. He has promised to marry me” She replied in her defence.

“Chum chum, I know you are in love but it is morally wrong. You know our Christian faith frowns upon cohabitation. This guy has not paid any dowry on your head. You shouldn’t be living with him as his wife”

“Angela you have never been in love. You have never known how it feels to be with the person you love. When you experience this emotion called love you will begin to see things from my point of view”.

“I know how you feel my dear but what is wrong is wrong and what is right is right! If you want to stay off campus you should rent a house for yourself or share a room with one of your friends. Are your parents even aware that you are no longer staying in the school hostel?”

“Thanks for your concern Angela. I want you to leave my parents out of this. Who even told you this gist? If it is Amanda that sharp-mouth girl with two flat slippers she calls her breast, you should be careful. If I tell you the things she has said about you to me you will be shocked!” Chioma cautioned Angela as she briskly walked away.

It had been over two months of her stay with Nnamdi. Nnamdi had given her the assurance that he would marry her when he enters his final year. She believed him because she was sure that he truly loved her. Life with Nnamdi as a live-in lover has been good so far. They have grown to know each other, their likes and dislikes. They have had few quarrels which they have settled themselves. They have undertaken the house chores together, splitting the tasks among themselves. Her major task was the cooking of meals, laundry work and attending to his sexual needs. The latter was tasking but she was learning fast. He was the first man to tap into her treasure.

The house was comfortable. Nnamdi was splashing money on her. The pocket money she got from her parents was directed to her savings account in the bank.

Her friends were not too pleased with her decision to move in with Nnamdi as it meant they had less time to spend with her but she wasn’t too worried. She made it up to them in different ways. They borrowed money and different items at will from her. She was sure Nnamdi will propose soon.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nnamdi walked into the kitchen and opened the three pots that laid on the stand one after the other. All of them were stark empty and hollow. His stomach protested as the rumblings increased. He was tired and stressed up. He had spent the whole day in the studio with his colleagues drawing architectural plans and designs.  He walked out from the kitchen door and ventured into the backyard where Chioma was sitting. The backyard was a large space at the back of the building accommodating few household items, some buckets and jerry cans, brooms, a rickety table, a small Gp tank placed under a sloppy part of the long span roof to collect rain water whenever it rains, a variety of clothes hung on a line placed over a stack of cement blocks.

Chioma was sitting on a wooden stool bent over a tray humming a song. An Etus earphone was stuck in her ears. Her African print wrapper was firmly tied in a knot around her waist. On the veranda was an enamel basin filled with ugwu leaves. She was slicing the leaves on a wooden chopstone inside the tray. Tiny bits of the leaves stuck to her arms.

“Why is my food not ready?” Nnamdi queried in an angry tone.

“Welcome honey, i didn’t notice when you came in. Food will soon be ready. Chioma greeted him and removed the earpiece from her ear.

“It is almost 7 pm! Are you telling me that there’s nothing for me to eat in this house?” Nnamdi thundered as his eyes glowed with fury.

“Nnamdi biko try and understand. Why are you talking like this? Both of us are students. I got home barely one hour ago” Chioma pleaded.

“I don’t want to understand! Today has been stressful for me and all I expect is to be served with food whenever I get home. That is why I have you here!”

The harsh retort kindled the flames of anger that was slowly gathering steam in Chioma’s chest. She threw aside the knife and got up to her feet. Her temper was rising.

“Nwanem I am not your wife, you have not paid any dowry on my head! Today has been very stressful for me. We had chained lectures right from 9 am in the morning till 3 pm. I was about leaving the school gates to head to Little junction market when Daisy called to inform me that the bald headed Professor Udeze was about to give an impromptu test. I had to run down to the lecture hall to write the test only for the wicked man to refuse to collect half of the test scripts, mine inclusive. You should have seen the way we followed him to his office begging for close to an hour before he agreed to collect the scripts. So when you talk about stress bear in mind that…..”

She broke off in mid sentence when she found out that Nnamdi wasn’t listening to her. He was walking away. He stood and raised his hands and shouted.

“Excuses, excuses, all the time!”

She could hear the revving of the Audi engine and the banging of the door as he drove off.

Chioma tried to fight back the tears from her eyes. Nnamdi was taking her for granted.

Nnamdi returned by 10pm, the longest time he had spent out ever since she moved in with him. Chioma was lying on the couch.

“Sweetheart” he whispered as he reached out to touch her.

“Don’t touch me!! Chioma yelled. She got up and made a beeline for the bedroom.

He followed her in hot pursuit.

She lay on the bed putting a pillow over her head.

“I am very sorry sweetheart. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I will make it up to you on your birthday!! I promise I will organize a quality birthday bash for you!”

 He reached out and slowly pulled the pillow away and proceeded to nibble on her ear lobes; the most erogenous part of her body, her weakest point.

Chioma caved in and in a short while they were wrestling in between the bed-sheets. A pleasant kind of wrestling that they were used to.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Angela how are you?”

“Eiii Chum chum see as you fat o, wetin you dey chop sef” Angela said grinning at Chioma.

“Na God o”

“Your boyfriend don dey give you another kind of food shebi?”

They laughed out heartily.

Chioma had gone visiting Onyinye in her hostel room. Onyinye had informed her that Angela was in the next room so she had dropped in to check up on Angela.

“Angela I just came to say hi”

“Thank you my sister, this one wey you remember me today, any beta?

“Beta tinz dey house, come carry dem”

“Chum chum where are you staying now?”

“I am still living with Nnamdi”

“Give me the address, I will visit you one of these days sha, make I follow chop wetin you dey chop” Angela said with a sly smile and continued “seriously i still maintain my stance. It is not right for you to keep living with and perform wifely duties for a man you ain’t married to.”

“Angela ahn ahn you sef, you no dey tire to talk one thing all the time? Dalu….i have heard you.” Chioma said in a derisive tone as she hastened to leave the room.

“Chioma you know an old woman is always uneasy whenever dry bones are mentioned in a conversation’

“Na you sabi that one!”

“Babe I am Sorry if I am too harsh” By the way what did Amanda tell you about me……?

“Don’t worry, what you don’t know won’t kill you”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chioma’s 22^nd Birthday bash was held at Frazzers, an elite club located close to the Gra in the heart of the city. Two mean looking bouncers manned the entrance to the hall. The interior of the club house was a large circular shaped hall with a high tech Led nightclub lighting system which emitted multi coloured streams of light rays around the hall. Dj Magic fingers the in-house dj was at his spot scratching and mixing the latest hits on the turntable. The club had an Ac cooling system installed at different points to cool the patrons. A couple of early birds were on the dance floor twisting their limbs and bodies as they struggled to out-dance each other.

Chioma was attired in a short white satin dress looking radiant and beautiful. She was slightly tipsy. Nnamdi had advised her to take a little more than her usual dose of alcohol to make her loosen up and become carefree. At the back of her mind she secretly hoped Nnamdi would use the occasion of her birthday to make a formal and public marriage proposal.

Attendance was strictly by invitation. The invited guests were carefully chosen from a small pool of Chioma and Nnamdi’s friends as the club was an exclusive club. Nnamdi had spent a lot of money to secure the venue.

 Chioma’s three friends; Onyinye, Immaculata and Daisy were present. Angela had declined the invitation, saying she didn’t buy the idea of celebrating a birthday in a clubhouse.

The young man sat cap in hand at the back row of the club hoping to catch a glimpse of the celebrant. He had been one of her secrets admirers and fancied her for himself. He was an oil company worker who needed a wife. His investigations revealed that she was in a relationship with a guy named Nnamdi. He thought it was one of the commonplace campus relationships with short lifespan that fizzled out when both parties got fed up. He had tried chatting her up several times. She had told him she was engaged to Nnamdi. He backed off when he found out she was living with the Nnamdi guy. Now he was at her birthday party to observe things.

The drinks flowed endlessly from the wine bar in the club. There was a suya spot outside on the club grounds on hand to cater for the suya needs of the guests. It was an atmosphere of frolicking and partying.

The crowd at the dance floor swelled up in size as Nnamdi hit the floor with Chioma for a special dance session. They stood in the center with other dancers forming a ring around them.

The Dj slotted in Flavour’s baby oku.

“The way you are looking tonight/I swear you too tight

Baby mo/and everybody wanna mingle/because you just single

But you made it clear to them that I am your number one

You took my heart away/you set my soul on fire

You are my heart desire.

Baby you too hot o

Baby oku

Baby eme mi fe…”

It was a slow sensual dance as they swayed to the rhythm of the music. Chioma danced with careless abandon in Nnamdi’s arms. Clasped in Nnamdi’s arms she was happy and secure. She didn’t care about what the naysayers said about her living with him. Their love was all what mattered, everything else paled into oblivion. Nnamdi’s hands ran down her body caressing the small of her back and gradually circled around her hips. She brought up her head to the same level as his and he slowly kissed her. She savoured the moment as pulsating tremors ran down her body. It was her second public display of affection. This time around she didn’t care if people were watching her.

The young man sitting at the back stared at the couple with an envious look. He shook his head and replaced his cap on his head and left the club, a disappointed man.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TO BE CONTINUED